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fartgallery:

readingaroundthemovies:

fartgallery:

i need to date a girl with the initials AG so we can carve SW+AG on benches

Those r my mums initials…,

say hello to your new dad. i see that your tumblr blog contains some vulgar language. you’re grounded

(via pizza)

verylittlebird:

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

(via pizza)

apricockjam:

visiters:

that “thirsty” dude hitting you up and checking up on you all the time is probably the dude that actually cares about you.

Oh shut the fuck up girls have no obligation to date guys just because they show basic kindness towards them, stop guilting girls into liking you back

(Source: retiredjesus, via yournameisshutup)

5060072089124:

*accidentally showers for 5 hours*

(via ashbrunato)